“Maybe you love me, maybe you don’t / Either you will or you won’t.”-Jeff Tweedy, Wilco

One of the most liberating aspects of Buddhism for me is the implicit teaching of impermanence as not only a philosophical concept but accepting it as indisputable natural law.

Decay is inherent in all compounded things.

Work out your own salvation with diligence.

Digha-nikaya, Sutta 16[1]

Sounds like this notion that “all things must pass” should relieve us of our inherent desire to “own” or “control” lives that are, hopefully, beyond “owning” or “controlling”. It seems our experiences here on this earth are a series of events in a process we can’t bend to our will. We continue to change, to grow older and our bodies are on an unstoppable bus to death and decay whether we like it or not.

I don’t know about you, but I spend a good deal of my time fighting this simple truth. I want to change what has happened in the past and control what will happen in the future. I want my wife and kids to love me, I want my boss to think highly of me and I want the world to accept me. The truth of the matter is, my wife could run off with the milkman, my kids could despise me and actually prefer their new milkman step-dad and my boss could tell me to clean out my desk any minute. I really can’t control what they all say, think or do, no matter how hard I try or how badly I want that power. “C’est le vie,” as the old folks say.

One thing I’m pretty sure of though is the world accepts me. It has no choice. I’m here and I am a part of all of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. I’m a wave in the ocean and entwined with George W. Bush…I live here and I’m in the right place. Wherever I go, dead or alive, Redding, CA or to a distant, far-flung nebula…there I am. I’ll be OK. I have no choice.

Now, just because I can’t control people, places or things doesn’t mean I shouldn’t care about them. I think people make choices all the time that affect their lives and their surroundings. In the case of my family, if I show them love and respect and care for them as best I can the universe may be more inclined to return these things to me. The physics of life on this planet indicate an action is generally met with an equal and positive reaction. It’s probably better to do good things than it is to do bad things. Good things are actions that help our cosmos to be healthy, replenish and sustain, bad things are actions that harm or denigrate those people and things around us. I know that’s pretty simplistic, but the Golden Rule is pretty basic, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Some people call it karma. The law. That works for me.

I witnessed the application of these physics up close and personal. I used to drink. I drank quite a bit. My health, which was precarious at best, was going downhill fast. My wife didn’t like me and my kids were worried about me. I thought I was a responsible drinker. I was responsible for drinking any and all alcohol brought into the house. I wasn’t abusive or violent…or even mean. I was just ambivalent. Although if the Dodgers, Raiders, Lakers or UCLA were not playing up to my expectations, I would throw tantrums and say bad words. I thought I was a pretty entertaining guy. Not everyone agreed.

As things started to unravel around me, my health was getting worse, I couldn’t sleep, my wife was filing for divorce and I was having a meltdown. I had what alcoholics call, “a moment of clarity.” I suddenly saw myself without the attachments. It was liberating and it provided a wide array of choices. I decided that I wanted to live a little longer. I decided that I wanted to minimize the damage to my family, if I was to be an ex-husband I would be the best ex-husband I could be. I would apply myself to nurturing my creative and professional life. I would stop drinking, eat healthier and take care of myself. I took up jogging.

I noticed as I started taking care of myself and generating a healthier attitude. Health came back to me. As I concentrated on the needs of others, my life returned. My wife never followed through with the divorce, my kids relaxed and I started contributing creatively on my job. Gosh, who would’ve thunk?

That’s all the proof I needed to begin tending to my “spiritual” side, which had laid dormant for years and years. I sarted reading and studying again. I sought out teachers. I began to sit (meditate) on a regular basis. My goal was to maintain this healthier life. Over the past five years I’ve gone through periods of great diligence and disipline and I’ve gone through periods of lethargy and inattentiveness. I’m going through a down cycle now, which is why I started blogging here again. It helps me to “talk it out.” Somehow, sending this out there into cyberspace makes it more “real” to me. It becomes a real “action”. I’m silly that way.

The point I’m trying to make is that once I was willing to let go of all of these feelings, relationships and habits and realize that “I” wasn’t anythig to cling to, it freed me to adopt new feelings, relationships and habits. Now I know these things are tansient and in a constant state of flux, so am I. I’m not apart from it and I am learning to accept “what is”. When you attach your “happiness” to somebody or something else, you will suffer. The less there is of “me”, the more there is of everything else. I’m where I am and I’m OK.